Friday, September 11, 2009

How to dry a shirt in the microwave in 5 minutes in less than 10 steps

when it is that special shirt which you promised would be clean for school photo day but isn't.

This one is for all the working moms.

Your mileage may vary, no warranty implied, not recommended for anyone ever, and no I'm not liable if you follow instructions posted on the internet what kind of crazy person are you? You probably diagnose yourself based on the Mayo Clinic site so I suppose you know what you're doing.
  1. Start with one wet, clean, fire-resistant shirt with no metal fashion or plastic elements. Do not try this with a dirty shirt or your whole kitchen will stink like a dirty, abandoned shirt found in the corner of a Greyhound bus station. Wring the shirt out to within an inch of its life.
  2. Put the shirt in a covered bowl, so that if it catches on fire, you only have to replace a bowl, a cover, and a shirt, and not an entire microwave. Who says I can't plan ahead?
  3. Stop now and attempt to renegotiate with the child. Surely you can find another shirt in the closet? Can stop at the store and get one? Can skip the photo day? If no, proceed with caution.
  4. Microwave the shirt for 10 seconds on 50% power.
  5. Remove with potholders, it will be hot. Seriously hot. Waft the shirt around until it cools.
  6. The rigorousness of your wafting will be the greatest contribution you can make to shortened drying time. So work those triceps.
  7. Is it mostly dry? If not, repeat steps 3, 4 and 5. Continued dampness of the shirt may allow for additional persuasion per step 3 with any but the most stubborn client consenting.
  8. Once the shirt is mostly dry, put it on the client and explain that body heat will complete the drying cycle. Provide a sweater to augment the body heat drying cycle.
Prepare yourself mentally to get back school photos of the kid in the sweater because it slipped his mind to take off the sweater and be photographed in the special shirt.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

OMG!!! Hilarious!!! and isn't that the truth...all that fuss...for the 'jacket/sweater' picture..or fuss about hair and there's Alfalfas 'sprout' come yearbook day!...but #1??? sounds like you have had experience with the Dirty Shirt Stench...EWWW! :)